I... Cry...

I'm not one of those people who get emotional. At least, I pretend to be. I hold my emotions inside most of the time but then, there's just some things I can't help crying over.  For instance, the sound of a church choir, no matter how hard I try, I start crying like I just lost the most important thing to me in my whole life.  Watching a couple, whether straight or gay or in between who are truly completely in love with each other makes me cry.  It feels like I'm so very happy for them and yet, I'm crying for myself because I don't think I'll ever really know a love that deep and if I ever had it, I couldn't see the forest through the trees.  I cry over the smallest of things sometimes and I'm sad all the time.  I have so many great friends and yet, I'm so alone with myself.  I cry out the loneliness, I cry out, I cry out and no one hears me. No one really knows the pain I feel inside. No one knows because I'm walled up in a tiny room with no where to run, no where to go to, no one who cares enough about me to really notice that I don't think I'm well.

It amazes me how I go on from day to day just existing. I just have no motivation to do anything different. If I was miraculously gone tomorrow, I wouldn't even be missed for long. It's so sad thinking how alone I am in this world. I won't even be remembered for even a simple achievement. But, I'll continue to exist for another day, and another day and another day and...

I'll...

cry.